A Dreaded Sunny Day

It's a dreaded sunny day, so I'll meet you at the cemet'ry gates. Keats and Yeats may be on your side, but weird lover Wilde is on mine. As well as...

Ezra "The Ground" Pound
His virulent antisemitism is matched only by his thirst for everyone else's blood. Along with Dorothy Shakespear and Olga Rudge, he'll form a ménage à disembowelment, and then issue a propaganda broadcast in honor of the event. Is his lust for violence the product of insanity or a tortured poetic soul? Trying to find out may be hazardous to your health.

Percy "Son of a Bysshe" Shelley
I met a traveler from an antique land, who said, "I'm gonna git you, sucka!" That man was Percy Shelley, and he meant it. Look upon the chainsaw attachment strapped to his arm and despair! He controls sinister agents from the briny depths of the sea, and will ensure that your three hour tour of the Circle of Death will feel like forever. You can cremate his body, but the spirit of carnage remains.

T.S. "P.S. I'll Kill U" Eliot
The product of The Wastelands, London's premiere venue for elite cage fighting, Eliot will make company between you and hell- pressing lidless eyes against the door and waiting for your screams of agony. An expatriate of morality, he has no qualms about turning your excruciating death into a Broadway musical. He'll do as he do do, and there's no doing anything about it.

Mary "The Monster" Shelley
The modern Prometheus of death, Mary has powerful thighs that can snap a skull completely from the torso it was previously attached to. Even debtor's prison can't save you from her vicious wrath, as she'll travel the ends of the earth to kill you, then exhume you, and then kill you again.

George "Lord of Pain" Byron
If you think Wilde is a weird lover, you ain't seen nothin'! George brings an orgy of mayhem and destruction in his wake, throwing disowned children and chunks of the Parthenon at anyone who stands in his path. He'll bury your lungs in Greece and your pickled remains in Nottingham. And then have sex with them both.

They were born, they lived, and then you died! Unfair? Well, you shouldn't have tangled with them.