To Cheesfinity, and Beyond

At some point in the late 90's, "Nacho Cheese" Doritos weren't cutting it anymore. Our cheese-infusing technology had reached the point where we could squeeze more powdered-cheese flavor onto a tortilla chip than ever before, and yet we weren't taking advantage of this culinary windfall. And so, "Nacho Cheesier!" Doritos were born, and everything was good.

About ten years on now, do we really need to keep the "-ier!" part of the flavor naming? Does anyone even remember life or the chips before the extra cheese? Has "Cheesier!" grown stale and everyday enough to just become our new normal "cheese" flavor?

I posed this question to Doctor Werner von Fromage, of the Institute of Cheesiness Studies, and this is what he wrote to me.

Guten Tag, Herr Yuenger! You ask whether it is necessary to call the Doritos product "Nacho Cheesier!," when it is now simply what we all accept as the normal level of "Nacho Cheese". The same question could well be asked about "Cooler Ranch" Doritos, for are they still so infinately cooler as to need to be advertised as such?

Here at the Institute of Cheesiness Studies, we say, "Nein!" For you see, we are always striving to expand the bounds of cheese-flavor technology. We are always in the process of becoming cooler and ever-cheesier, and for us, we can never advise settlement with the cheese offerings of today. Would you have us freeze our technology at the vacuum-tube, never to move on to the transistor? Do not be foolish! Why should we stop in this primitive era of cheese flavorings, when we have only achieved powder densities per centimeter that would make a man of the future weep with hostility at our patheticness?

To us, the "Cheesier!" (complete with exclamation point) is an ever-shifting goal, an enticement to us to strive for that Platonic singular true form of Cheesy. Perhaps someday our taste buds will experience the epitome of cheese, and will not physically be able to process any more flavoring in a single bite. Your nervous system will collapse in cheese-induced shock, and you will drown in your own saliva. But we have not reached that time! And so, there is still work to be done.

Yours truly,
Dr. Werner von Fromage
Institute of Cheesiness Studies
Zurich, Switzerland

Whew! That explains it.