A Modest Proposal

The 2008 presidential campaign season is upon us, like... something upon... something else. Potential candidates are crawling out of the woodwork with newly-created exploratory committees to raise funds and test the theory, "Does anyone in Iowa know who the hell I am?"

Of course, not everyone can be president. Most of these people will wind up losing primaries, dropping out of the race, and starting the embarrassing process of begging to be a vice presidential choice.

My modest plan eliminates the need for this awkward, humiliating tradition whereby each losing candidates come to the winner and apologizes for suggesting in an attack ad that he or she may have run over babies with a riding mower. And then asks politely if they could be trusted by the winner to succeed them should any unfortunate accidents befall them. *cough* *shotgun to face* *cough*

My suggestion is that candidates campaign not alone, but in pairs right from the start. Already paired up, there's no need to scrape the bottom of the barrel for a running mate after the grueling primary season. And as a bonus, people are often more popular as half of a pair!

Take Hall and Oates, for example. Who knows who they are when they're apart?

Hall: "Hi. I'm Hall."
Random Person: "DIE, STRANGER!" *punches Hall in face*

Now, take this exchange.

Hall: "Hi, I'm Hall, from Hall and Oates."
Random Person: "I know you." *punches Hall in face*

Much better, no?

Imagine the harnessed power of a Hall and Oates '08 ticket! Hall would be president, because his name comes first. It ain't "Oates and Hall," after all. Oates would be veep, hanging out in the Undisclosed Location(tm) waiting for Hall to die. Hall would provide us with the string of hit singles our nation wants. Oates would provide us with the mustache we so desperately need.