Posh & Becks: What Do They Want From Us?

Posh & Becks are relocating to America! What? You have no idea who this famed British duo are? Not to be confused with other great Brit pairings such as "fish & chips", "bangers & mash", and "drawing & quartering", Posh & Becks are Britain's national supercouple. You can tell this, because they both have full sets of teeth, something to which all Britons aspire in their wet dreams.

To prepare you for their arrival, and inform you about critical things you'll need to know now that our country has been Forever Changed, I now present the Top 10 Facts About Posh & Becks.

1. David and Victoria Beckham come from a distant galaxy far, far away. Their mission? To drape their scantly-clad bodies across tabloids on every planet. And devour us from the insides to harvest our precious tungsten.

2. You may be familiar with the "Beckham" name from Bend it Like Beckham. David has the ability to bite down on steel girders and twist them like pretzels, using only his mouth and the power of his ego.

3. Victoria used to be one of the Spice Girls. She was "Implanty Spice."

4. David used to play football for Real Madrid. They should not be confused with their bizarro mortal arch-enemies, Fake Madrid.

5. The Beckhams are known for their ever-changing hairstyles and appearances. They can do this, because they are shapeshifters.

6. Like all immigrants, the pair will sail to Ellis Island, where they will be given new, Americanized names- Bob and Ann K-Mart.

7. The duo celebrated their move to America by doing a semi-nude photo shoot in W Magazine. This is the official magazine of George W. Bush, who thought the pair were lesbians.

8. Victoria recently announced her intent to reform the Spice Girls. This will make it easier to kill the others, for there can be only one.

9. Victoria goes by the nickname "Posh" not because of her Spice Girl persona, but because "posh" is the street name of the drug she snorts to remain thin.

10. Both Beckhams can combine to form a thirty-foot tall metal fighting machine whose only weakness is a direct hit to the crotch.

Now you know! And knowing is half the battle. The other half is vicious hand-to-tentacle combat in the streets, where our country's independence from Euro-trash celebricouples will be won or lost amidst the cries of our children and the blood of the damned.