Gentle readers, it has been too long since I indulged your need for a completely useless movie preview, based only on the knowledge garnered from a cursory viewing of a movie's trailer. Well, here you go. Don't ever say I don't do anything for you.
Hannibal Rising, from what I gather, is a delightful family film about a young Lithuanian orphan and his struggles to keep his family together during the dark days of World War II. Finally, a film with real family values! Hannibal struggles against all odds to protect his young sister, and later moves to France and takes care of his adoptive Japanese aunt.
This may or may not be a musical. Lots of old-timey movies about children during World War II are musicals. If so, expect excellent production values as a clone of Anthony Hopkins engages in a dance-off aboard the Good Ship Lollipop with Shirley Temple and a couple of the lesser Von Trapp kids.
Anyway, with only the trailer to go by, I've been able to tell that one of the problems facing young Hannibal (or "Hanny", as I'm sure he's called by his school chums) is proper diet. I've seen a lot of Afterschool Specials, and something gives me a hunch that Hanny is dealing with an eating disorder.
It must be a hard-knock life to have to deal with foreign occupation, caring for a younger sibling, and finding good, nutritious food in a war zone, but since the character comes back in several other films, (Silence of the Lambs, for instance, a whimsical fairy tale about sheep learning to use their indoor voices) we know he'll make it through somehow. Never you worry for Hanny, he's good people.
A lot of reviewers, in reviews I haven't read, seem pretty taken aback by the movie. I don't know what their complaints are about, since I haven't seen it and therefore am fully qualified to pass judgment. Maybe they just can't stomach an old-fashioned tale of family togetherness. Maybe the anti-Iraq peaceniks are just offended by any depiction of war, even when it is being fought by the Greatest Generation against the forces of darkness. Hannibal is the exemplar of those brave men and women who saved the world from evil, and for all I care, he could disembowel and feast upon the innards of those who have wronged him, and that still wouldn't taint his good spirit and pure demeanor. But that's crazy talk!
On my patent-pending scale of 1 to 88 stars, with the absolute values of -1 being the minimum and -88 being the maximum, I give Hannibal Rising a nice plate of fava beans (a wartime staple) and the tasty giblets of those who would speak ill against him and the values he represents. We would all do so well as to be as brave as young Hanny.
Friday, February 9, 2007
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