The Goodbye Show

So in the past, I've mentioned Melanie, the PBS babysitter character who hosts the network's evening cartoon lineup. Good ol' Mel was an "enchanted babysitter" of some sort, who always overenthused with gusto about whatever obscure British short was on its way, before launching into a terrifying dance about crafts and teaching us bad sign language. She scared me.



Melanie has been absent for several days, and I was finally curious enough to find out why. For the past few weeks her stock had been rising on the network, and she'd even been filming new segments (they recycle heavily), joined by a new freakish puppet named Star. Why would she vanish at the start of a new season of segments?

Mel, as it turns out, starred in a video called "Technical Virgin". Some sources describe it as a spoof PSA, others as a full-blown Melanie-Does-Dallas foray into the world of anal intrigue. Whatever the case (help me, Google, find me the screen caps!) Melanie is no more, and now the cartoons are unhosted. At least, as a by-product, Star the creepy puppet is gone, too. See ya in hell, Star!



I'd always suspected there was something pervy lurking behind Melanie's spastic facade. But then again, children's television is all about the couched metaphor. Yesterday, Noggin was showing the jumping-the-shark episode of Blue's Clues where Blue started becoming a talking puppet and ripping off Elmo's World. A fairy godmother came to Blue, now a puppy teenager, and told her of her "greatest gift" and to find a hole that her key would fit into. When Blue finally found the keyhole (quoth the key, "It's working! I'm turning!") Blue was enveloped in sparkly blue ecstacy and found her voice. She eventually had to return to 2-D, but was told that anytime she put the key into the hole she could come back.

Um, yeah. Melanie's antics have nothing on the font of filth that is post-Steve Blue's Clues.