Completely Useless Movie Previews: Who's Your Caddy?

Friends, Romans, gentle readers. Lend me your ears, er, eyes, and I will speak sooth to you about the Megacomedy of the Century, one which will define movie hilarity for decades to come. And when its rebroadcast on HBO eventually travels deep enough into space for sentient life to observe it, they will fall upon their tentacle knees and weep, for they will deem us muchly advanced in comparison to their puny, techno-futile civilization.

I speak, of course, about reruns of Caddyshack. But let's also give a little look at Who's Your Caddy?, the most blatant unauthorized rip-off in the slob-golf genre since Caddyshack II: The Disemboweling. Once more, I shall use only the knowledge garnered from the film's trailer to tell you everything you need to know about it. It's like seeing it in person, only at the absolute bestest theater in the world- my head! Sit back, enjoy. Just don't spill your drink everywhere, it makes my eyes watery.

Very little is known about Who's Your Caddy?. It's a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, deep-fried in regret, with an embarrassment dipping-sauce. Antwan "Big Boi" Patton, a hip-hop star who wants the world to know he can wear big kids' pants now, plays C-Note, a hip-hop star who's comfortable about his potty-training. Jeffrey "I Can't Believe He's Employed" Jones plays the guy who you thought you'd seen the last of in his mug shot. Can this mismatched pair of ne'er-do-well gadabouts and raconteurs find love against the backdrop of a country club? No? Okay, can they film a cheap race comedy together? Really? Do they have to?

So anyway. C-Note wants to play golf. Whitey McCrackerpreppy and the stodgy country club elite don't want him to, fearing their home away from the Bahamas will be torn asunder under the pimped-out Humvees of C-Note and his crew. Will zaniness and wacky antics ensue? Can you hear Rodney Dangerfield rolling over in his grave? Seriously, he gets no respect.

Still, it's going to rock. You know why? Because the plant who posted a review over on the iMDB says so!

"People were laughing so hard you could barely hear the dialogue! There is one scene with Faizon (I won't spoil it for you) that had some people on the floor and some standing UP clapping and screaming with laughter. It was a HOOT! I'm going to see it again with all my friends on the 27th when it opens, it'll be even better with everything finished since in the test screening it wasn't complete. I'm telling you EVERYONE in that audience LOVED it! Some people were saying it was the best comedy they'd seen all year! Don't miss it if you love to laugh!"

Since I've only seen the trailer, and this producer average fan has seen the entire film, who am I to argue? I defer to his superior knowledge of the movie and its potential HOOT-iness, and will go out on a limb and say that EVERYONE will LOVE it. That elderly man standing outside, who's muttering about the rampant profanity? He loved it. That social organization shaking its head in disgust at race relations being set back twenty years? It made them cream their shorts. The desperate pleadings of Chevy Chase not to ruin his last remaining legacy? All an act. Trust me, Who's Your Caddy? will make you stop and really, really think about who the real caddy is in your life. And that maybe you should buy him or her some flowers and a nice steak. And for God's sake, shave. Didn't your mother teach you anything?

So, with all of that in mind, I have no choice but to give Who's Your Caddy? 88 stars on my scale of 1 to 88 stars, along with a small patch of astroturf and a pair of those ugly plaid pants that people think it's okay to wear when they're golfing. (It isn't.) You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll wonder why this version doesn't have Bill Murray wrestling a gopher. Or maybe it does? And the gopher speaks jive and wears bling? Go see it and let me know.