Match.com is running a commercial promising that if you don't find a match within six months, they'll give you six months free.
Wait a minute. You just wasted half a year trying to find a mate on there, and failed miserably. The last thing on earth you need is to spend another six months sitting in front of your computer and weeping because every guy you find is sexually attracted to elves. Why the hell would you want to endure that, when virtually any other avenue (singles bar, church mixer, flashing a hobo) would surely prove more fruitful in that case? So you can ring in a new year after that knowing that for all of 2007, even prisoners were getting more action than you? After all, it's shower time at least once a day in jail.
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