Zumanity

So, yesterday was our fifth anniversary, and we went out to see Zumanity, or as it's also known, Porn: The Musical! Picture naked whip-wielding dominatrixes doing acrobatics hanging from silk sheets thirty feet in the air. Now make them dance, and interrupt every once in a while for cabaret/burlesque segments. That's pretty much the show.

Is it just that we're so jaded, or that we know a lot of other pervs, or is Vegas just astonishingly easy to shock? Most of the audience asides from us was repulsed by the simulated gay sex. And then there was the nudity, spankings, appearance onstage of large dildos, lesbian orgies. The poor woman behind us gasped and barely held back her rage at what she saw, even though the tickets clearly state it's an 18+ show with nudity and for "people with open minds only". She vocally complained to her boyfriend, who was no fan of the gay sex himself. People yelled out "Eww!" at various points and some got up and left.

After the show, there was polite applause, but mostly angry people storming out saying they couldn't recommend it to anyone they knew. We shrugged. Topless dommes? Men making out? Yawn. Do these people not even watch basic cable? We thought it was pretty tame. It was also short for a Cirque show (90 minutes, the maximum Vegas attention span). Next time we want to see that sort of thing, we can go to the fetish club. Maybe even bring a souvenir performer home.

Jenn absolutely adored our usher, a foul-mouthed pixie who told us we were in row "D for Dildo" and flirted with everyone as they came in (scaring the vast majority before the show even began). "Oh, B for Bondage!" she told one couple as she escorted them to their seats. They cringed, yelled back, "Bondage?!" like they'd heard this was something sickos in New York did but never imagined would infest such a wholesome community as Las Vegas, and looked at the door. The lucky ones in "A for Ass" were seated in love seats in the front row, where they were molested by the cast. At least a couple of the lothario clown characters bore much passing resemblance to my lecherous immigrant character Akmal.

What's more surprising still is that this show was at the New York-New York, a casino specifically aimed at LGBT vacationers and marketed mostly in gay magazines. How these people in the audience wound up there to be offended to begin with is a mystery.