Bowling for Colon-bine

I'm disturbed, deeply, by the new fad of mixing together everything on your menu in a bowl. When Taco Bell first came up with the idea, I cringed. But then I realized that everything they make is the same five ingredients recombined in different ratios. Doing away with the tortilla shell and just tossing everything together in a bowl seemed like a logical, if icky, next step. Besides, stoners don't care how it looks. They care if it tastes like cheese.

Now, corporate sister KFC has picked up on the idea. Witness their new commercial. Hungry stoner who's probably 30 and yet never held a real job walks into a KFC. He wants... everything on the menu. Together. At once. Luckily, the overeager woman at the counter is ready to give it to him. Barely able to hold back her moans of pleasure, she speaks of a bowl filled to the brim with artificial mashed potatoes, corn, popcorn chicken and cheese mixed together. She asks if he wants gravy poured over the whole thing. Somehow, she manages not to ask if he'd like to contribute his own semen before erupting into an orgasm of her own. Because we all know women everywhere are turned to jelly at the prospect of a go-nowhere loser with gravy-tainted fingers gorging himself at a miniature trough.

I was going to try to think of a potential future bowl development, which would take the idea to its absurd conclusion. But I think this is the absurd conclusion. It can't possibly get worse than gravy, cheese, watery canned corn, chicken soaked in eleven herbs and spices, and whatever the "potatoes" are really made of, all unified into an unholy shepherd's pie of angina.

Oh wait- it can. Have it served up by a woman so into the concept that she's visualizing the customer rubbing the gravy into his nipples.

Yep, it just got much, much worse.