Conservapedia

Love Wikipedia, but think the articles are just too left-leaning ("you got evolution in my science article!")? An elderly woman who led the charge against feminism in the 70's has put her money behind Conservapedia. Written primarily by her son, who lectures against vaccinations in quack medical journals, the encyclopedia has such whimsical quirks as banning the use of "CE" and "BCE" in order to tie dates firmly to Christianity.

Learn such interesting tidbits as, "Modern kangaroos originated in the Middle East and are the descendants of the two founding members of the modern kangaroo baramin that were taken aboard Noah's Ark prior to the Great Flood."

Unfortunately for the authors, conservative bloggers are mocking their efforts as being, well, embarrassing for their movement. Here are some highlights one pointed out...

What does Conservapedia think about Descartes?

"Descartes locked himself in a stove and meditated, arriving at the unsurprising conclusion that nothing existed. He then used Anselm's proof of the existence of God to decide that perhaps he wasn't deluded, and perhaps things did exist after all. He thought the soul lived in the pineal gland, and when you lift your arm it's just an accident because your brain doesn't control your body, God does. This 'god-robot' theory of consciousness got him into ferocious arguments with Hobbes, but then Hobbes loved a good argument and was usually wrong."

Yes, but what about Einstein?

"Nothing useful has even been built based on the theory of relativity.…'All things are relative' became popular as atheists and others used relativity to attack Christian values. There remains enormous political support for the theory of relativity that has nothing to do with physics, and Congress continues to spend billions of dollars unsuccessfully searching for particles predicted by the theory of relativity."

Or Washington?

"Washington is perhaps the person other than Jesus who declined enormous worldly power, in Washington's case by voluntarily stepping aside as the ruler of a prosperous nation."

I bet you have plenty to say about the Holocaust, right?

"The Holocaust was the massacring of the Jewish race during World War II. The Germans are not to blame for this but the Nazi are. Besides 6 million Jews dying, 3 million Christians were killed also along with many priests and nuns. This is a very touchy subject for the Jews and is not often discussed amongst them."

Yeah, what's with them and the touchiness?! Let's face it, Wikipedia has been going downhill since they started writing about hacks like me. From now on, I'm only citing Conservapedia in all of my academic articles. Nobel Prize in Righteousness, here I come!