tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18227652520997295702011-07-30T16:52:22.708-04:00Pop culture can't just beat itself up.The Managementnoreply@blogger.comBlogger701100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-90922977888148335852009-06-17T09:42:00.000-04:002009-06-17T09:43:07.450-04:00

After a long hiatus, I once again return with a Completely Useless Movie Preview, in which I offer my opinion on the merits of a film based solely on the evidence presented in the trailer. Thus, I present you with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.It's a bad sign whenever your sequel contains "of the" in the title. Good sequels have phrases like, "strikes back," "Tokyo drift," or "electric

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-21113525235683243822008-08-12T08:12:00.000-04:002008-08-12T08:13:19.258-04:00

It's a dreaded sunny day, so I'll meet you at the cemet'ry gates. Keats and Yeats may be on your side, but weird lover Wilde is on mine. As well as...Ezra "The Ground" PoundHis virulent antisemitism is matched only by his thirst for everyone else's blood. Along with Dorothy Shakespear and Olga Rudge, he'll form a ménage à disembowelment, and then issue a propaganda broadcast in honor of the event

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-153374074162093362008-05-13T11:33:00.000-04:002008-05-13T11:34:18.895-04:00

It's been fourteen years since the last installment of Circus of the Stars, a chintzy relic of the three-network era where sitcom actors owned as property by studios could be forced to walk on a tightrope with a burlap sack over their head if a cigar-chomping bigwig demanded it. After Mr. Belvedere was savagely ripped to shreds by a performing lion, the format fell out of favor and the show

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-34299027441154769852008-05-09T10:36:00.001-04:002008-05-09T10:36:31.688-04:00

Gentle readers. Once again, I will offer my take on films you may or may not wish to see, based only on the knowledge I have gathered through osmosis. Or from watching the film's trailer. Because if you can't fill out a minute with the good parts, you probably have a hundred and seventy-nine and a half minutes of suck left over.This time, I warn you away from Speed Racer, made by those Matrix

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-13124160926714040462007-12-14T09:39:00.001-05:002007-12-14T09:39:25.121-05:00

Gentle readers, it's that time once again, wherein I tell you everything I think I know about a film based on a glance at the trailer. And then you trust me completely, as you are wont to do. Because you're gullible like that.Alvin and the Chipmunks is a heartwrenching story of three small rodents taken from their natural habitat and rendered in less-than-convincing computer animation. Alvin,

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-51417263212844927212007-11-14T12:33:00.001-05:002007-11-14T12:33:52.728-05:00

I have a plan to solve the energy crisis!Okay, so Santa brings coal to children who are naughty, right? Okay, so we encourage all of the kids in the world to misbehave. Santa can't well give them toys, so he leaves lumps of coal in their stockings. We all know that Santa doesn't have mining operations, but rather has magic elves fabricate everything he dispenses. Thus, free coal! We take each

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-50074773918053245262007-11-14T12:21:00.001-05:002007-11-14T12:30:51.146-05:00

Once again, I'm here to fill you in about a movie you don't have to see, because I've seen the trailer. This time out, the film in question is Beowulf, and left me guarantee, it's a Beowulf Cluster of fun.Much like 300, large portions of the movie have been digitally created. Except Beo (as the cool kids will surely call it) takes the added step of digitizing the actors. Sure, this brings them

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-16540423011431025402007-11-09T09:48:00.001-05:002007-11-14T12:32:44.613-05:00

It has been far too long since I, your author, have granted you assistance in deciding whether a film is worthy of your attention and debit card. Fear not! As part of my vow to entertain you while television falters under the crushing duress of labor protests, I am redoubling my efforts to keep you amused. So, Lions for Lambs. As usual, I am only using the film's trailer to inform me about its

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-85169626359512768332007-09-18T09:01:00.001-04:002007-09-18T09:01:21.402-04:00

Ah, it feels like old times. Back in New England again, turning on the TV, and- what's this? Another OJ perp walk? It's just like 1995 again, only I have less hair!Now I have to wonder who all will be back for the reunion tour. Kato is out, as I'm sure he's moved on to bigger and better things, and it would be a stretch to figure out how to involve him in the plot this time. Some of the Dream

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-49886563934629913902007-09-10T09:26:00.000-04:002007-09-10T09:32:47.126-04:00

Last night, Britney Spears attempted a comeback, performing on MTV's video awards, the name of which only serves to remind us of the days when MTV showed videos. *sniff* Excuse me, I'm getting a little verklempt...Brit was widely panned for being out of shape, forgetting her own lyrics, having her hair weave come undone, being outperformed by her own backup dancers, and generally looking and

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-35546092051569658092007-09-06T10:26:00.000-04:002007-09-10T11:05:24.369-04:00

Hey! Want to be scared? Sure, we all do! And it doesn't take a viewing of the Halloween remake to do it. Why, you can be frightened out of your wits in the comfort of your own home, and bring the kids along for the ride!Somehow, Biz Markie (he's got what you ne-EEd) was allowed to have a career again. Only this time, he's appearing on children's television. He makes several appearances on Yo

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-75683359777844296722007-09-01T10:05:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:06:10.128-04:00

Jenn tivoed Road House 2, which was airing on Spike at 2 in the afternoon today. You know a film is bad when you can't even convince Patrick Swayze to come back in a cameo. This is a straight-to-video fiasco of epic proportions. We tried to tackle it sober (Jenn is now fixing that situation...) and, as she mentioned in her post, we've managed to survive Battlefield Earth in its entirety. We only

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-42480888045547460542007-07-20T09:55:00.000-04:002007-09-10T09:55:48.612-04:00

Friends, Romans, gentle readers. Lend me your ears, er, eyes, and I will speak sooth to you about the Megacomedy of the Century, one which will define movie hilarity for decades to come. And when its rebroadcast on HBO eventually travels deep enough into space for sentient life to observe it, they will fall upon their tentacle knees and weep, for they will deem us muchly advanced in comparison to

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-82924950901363964412007-07-17T10:06:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:06:57.964-04:00

Based on the poor box-office performance of Hostel 2 and Captivity, pundits everywhere are cheering at the death of the "torture-porn" subgenre of horror. Because of this, expectations and marketing for Saw IV are being cut back, and numerous other torture-porn films that were in the pipeline are being canceled.So is torture-porn dead? I beg to differ. A quick look around the web at porn sites (

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-75911455456282925632007-07-13T09:39:00.000-04:002007-09-10T09:39:41.489-04:00

Posh & Becks are relocating to America! What? You have no idea who this famed British duo are? Not to be confused with other great Brit pairings such as "fish & chips", "bangers & mash", and "drawing & quartering", Posh & Becks are Britain's national supercouple. You can tell this, because they both have full sets of teeth, something to which all Britons aspire in their wet dreams.To prepare you

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-23541799888470392012007-07-05T10:28:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:29:18.662-04:00

There's always room for one more standard of measure. Take, for instance, the smoot, a measure of length available on both the Longfellow Bridge and Google Earth.It occurred to me that we, as a society, have no exact unit to measure the success of a television spin-off.Proposed: I am suggesting the creation of the Chachi, a unit for measuring how successful a spin-off is in comparison with Joanie

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-65480297196290412122007-07-02T09:56:00.000-04:002007-09-10T09:56:53.409-04:00

Once again, for your infotainment, I present a hard-hitting review of a film I've yet to (and most likely, won't) see, based upon the knowledge garnered only from commercials and trailers. Rumor has it that a new Harry Potter film is coming up, and gosh darn it, you should know about it!Harry Potter and the Chamber of the Order of the Half-Blood Sandwiches or something places now thirty-seven

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-19774146261139904592007-06-26T10:22:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:22:39.671-04:00

The Supreme Court has ruled that a student's unfurling of a banner reading, "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" is not protected speech, because it could reasonably be deemed as supporting drug use. (In case you didn't know, there's some fine print in the Constitution that exempts drug speech. Thus, Dude, Where's My Car? has absolutely no protections under the First Amendment.)You know who the real loser is in

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-79283474887956393372007-06-07T09:40:00.000-04:002007-09-10T09:40:58.821-04:00

Ah, Paris. After three grueling days behind bars, wherein she surely engaged in numerous sud-soaked shower catfights and carved a shiv from her toothbrush, Paris Hilton has been sent straight outta Lynwood lockup, and home to the spartan confines of her palatial estate to serve out the rest of her sentence. That's hot.The justification given was unspecified "medical issues," supposedly being that

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-68319282888821520892007-05-25T09:57:00.000-04:002007-09-10T09:58:16.867-04:00

It is time once again, gentle readers, for me to take you into the future, to experience a movie that I know nothing about asides from what I have witnessed in trailers. And I shall dub this experience "Completely Useless Movie Previews" as I always do, and you shall enjoy it, as you always do.And so. On to Pirates of the Caribbean 3: The Search for Spock. As you may recall from not watching the

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-47520413245829733362007-04-16T10:29:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:30:04.481-04:00

On the flight back from vacation, I ran out of things to watch on the seat-back TV after Cops ended. Mind you this was about an hour into a six-hour flight that ended near dawn eastern time (although we got home around midnight thanks to the zone difference.) The TV's were on the eastern feed.Mind you, at 2am you take what you can get. And what I got was PlayMania. Let me tell you, gentle readers

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-21748477387017538182007-03-19T10:15:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:15:28.544-04:00

Last night we saw Spamalot, the musical adaptation of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This meant that the audience was packed with die-hard Monty Python fans who could recite lines and burst into laughter minutes before something that was going to happen actually did, and who probably should have been restrained.This being the Vegas production, it was abbreviated to fit into 90 minutes, which

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-5408273495855798842007-03-05T10:23:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:23:27.688-04:00

Love Wikipedia, but think the articles are just too left-leaning ("you got evolution in my science article!")? An elderly woman who led the charge against feminism in the 70's has put her money behind Conservapedia. Written primarily by her son, who lectures against vaccinations in quack medical journals, the encyclopedia has such whimsical quirks as banning the use of "CE" and "BCE" in order to

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-44277701237860077092007-03-01T09:58:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:59:18.631-04:00

Thinking of going to go see 300? Gentle readers, once again I'll spare you the need, by reviewing a film I haven't seen based solely on the content of the trailers.300 is the story of the first X-Games, held in Sparta, Greece a couple thousand years ago with single one event: Mortal Kombat! Painstaking attention to historical accuracy has wrought a film that cannot be questioned at all.

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-78426311705830468222007-02-17T09:41:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:41:46.383-04:00

Overnight, a weepy Britney Spears (fresh from a grueling hourlong stint in rehab) was videotaped harassing the staff of a tattoo parlor and confiscating the clippers from a stylist to shave her own head bald, all the while while muttering about "people touching her" and acting erratically. What "erratic" means when one is referring to Spears is anyone's guess. The girl let K-Fed stick his

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-39941503438723638022007-02-11T09:59:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:00:02.389-04:00

I have heard your outcry, and decided to give you more of what you want. Heading into this all important blockbuster spring "would-never-succeed-in-the-summer" movie dumping time, you need to know what movies are worth seeing, based on the random guesses of someone totally unfamiliar with the films.I give you Ghost Rider.Ghost Rider is apparently the older brother of Speed Racer. By day, he's

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-27769802890147515662007-02-09T10:00:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:00:45.922-04:00

Gentle readers, it has been too long since I indulged your need for a completely useless movie preview, based only on the knowledge garnered from a cursory viewing of a movie's trailer. Well, here you go. Don't ever say I don't do anything for you.Hannibal Rising, from what I gather, is a delightful family film about a young Lithuanian orphan and his struggles to keep his family together during

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-57907249425612165122007-02-08T09:42:00.001-05:002009-06-17T09:54:30.913-04:00

So, Anna Nicole Smith has shuffled off this mortal coil.Now come on, seriously, who didn't see this coming? You? In the back? Were you not paying attention during the Train Wreck chapter? Not even during the filmstrip ("When Bimbos Attack", courtesy of the Fox Network)?Actually, I prefer to think of it as her marrying off to that rich old white guy in the sky. Right now she's like, "Come on,

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-2676572283929534172007-02-02T09:43:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:43:53.783-04:00

Oh, Daniel Radcliffe. All grown up and doing your very first naked horse-sex play. Cherish this time, Danny, when the world was new, and horse-sex was still fresh and exciting. It will get tiresome after a while, and you'll grow jaded and move on to porcupines. But it won't be the same. Cherish, Danny, cherish.So Radcliffe has taken a role in Equus, playing a horse-fetishizing, hairy-tummied

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-22967970711299287592007-01-31T09:44:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:44:51.447-04:00

Almost five years ago, Apple ran a campaign of "Switcher" commercials, with supposed real-life stories of people who had bad experiences with Windows and switched to using Macs. The most famous of these featured then 14-year old Ellen Feiss, the "stoned" girl in my icon. Feiss was a friend of the commercial producer's son, and was thrust in front of the camera at the last moment while she was

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-72665833013448166612007-01-25T09:45:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:46:27.605-04:00

Having failed to pay a $208 bill on her storage unit, Paris Hilton's belongings in it were auctioned off and fell into the hands of infamous celeb sex tape collector David Hans Schmidt, who immediately put them up on the internet to view for a fee. Schmidt is the man you have to thank for the release of Screech's Dirty Sanchez movie.Of course, only one person has to pay the fee, see the content,

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-68137754062311066672007-01-18T10:30:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:34:05.137-04:00

WHAT THE BUTTERY FUCK IS UP WITH THE REANIMATED CORPSE OF ORVILLE REDENBACHER?!At first they were content with doctoring his old commercials to change the product packaging, but now I swear they're cutting his face out and pasting it onto some sort of unholy CGI Jar-Jar thing and making him listen to iPods and dance around. Except it doesn't work right, so it looks like he's stretched out taut on

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-37723956120244793582007-01-17T10:15:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:16:31.788-04:00

Another day, another Cirque show. This was "O", our fifth Cirque production if you count "La Nouba" from our honeymoon. The rest we've seen here in Vegas.I'm getting really jaded about these shows. People on fire, million-gallon water tanks with moving platforms, death-defying acrobats. None of it fazes me now. I was incredibly bored through the whole thing, and wishing I had a bingo card to

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-21063150889996190512007-01-06T09:46:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:48:22.536-04:00

This being a city with no advertising restrictions or zoning laws, you get a lot of interesting things plastered on large signs everywhere you look. Nevermind the terror of giant Alan Thickes telling me where to buy timeshares, or close-ups of womens' asses promoting strip clubs. Those at least make sense to me. These do not...First up, one for Peep One Erotic Drink. What makes it erotic? Let's

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-1659250739958683162007-01-05T10:31:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:31:47.231-04:00

Match.com is running a commercial promising that if you don't find a match within six months, they'll give you six months free.Wait a minute. You just wasted half a year trying to find a mate on there, and failed miserably. The last thing on earth you need is to spend another six months sitting in front of your computer and weeping because every guy you find is sexually attracted to elves. Why

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-12569530575286508642007-01-04T10:16:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:17:16.842-04:00

In the process of once again revamping and recasting the ill-fated Goodnight Show, Sprout has imported a new batch of children's shows from the UK.One of these is Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks. We caught a snippet of this in a hotel in London when we visited a couple years ago, and I knew even then that, as British childrens' television programming, it was destined to wind up on public

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-20713746624021069132006-12-31T09:48:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:48:51.927-04:00

Just before the ball dropped, some random generic talking-head newsbimbo was filling airtime spewing on to Carson Daly about how 2006 showed anything was possible for anyone, and spoke of the YouTube sale to Google that made the founders billionaires. I thought of good ol' K-Fed, a former unknown backup dancer who parlayed his marriage to a pantiless slut hack diva into to a, um, rap career-ish

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-13335171758182304172006-12-24T10:07:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:08:48.746-04:00

We went to go see Eragon, despite our run of bad luck with dragon movies. We suffered through Reign of Fire a few years ago, the only good part of which was that it marked the beginning of the end of our association with a couple nutjobs we met on Livejournal. We rented Dungeons & Dragons, when we could have just gone to a friend's basement and experienced more whimsy and sorcery, and a much more

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-47492124537681144262006-12-13T10:17:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:18:39.754-04:00

So tonight we continued our grand tour of Vegas Cirque du Soleil shows with Love, the Beatles tribute production at the Mirage. Let me be perfectly frank on this: It sucked ass.I had a bad feeling almost from the start. After being directed into the theatre by a faux-Liverpudlian dressed as Sgt. Pepper, we waited around about 40 minutes for the show to begin. If you've ever been to a Cirque show,

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-1158013047091463062006-12-09T09:49:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:50:48.950-04:00

There was a time when, as a preschooler, you had very limited musical choices. You had Bert & Ernie, or Ozzy Osbourne, depending on the type of household you grew up in. Today's kids have choices that are much, much more frightening than Ozzy.The kids bands of 2006 are divided into an east coast/west coast rivalry that's based on the network they're affiliated with. Disney has the Wiggles, the

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-34587399557476298962006-11-22T09:51:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:53:04.778-04:00

The 2008 presidential campaign season is upon us, like... something upon... something else. Potential candidates are crawling out of the woodwork with newly-created exploratory committees to raise funds and test the theory, "Does anyone in Iowa know who the hell I am?"Of course, not everyone can be president. Most of these people will wind up losing primaries, dropping out of the race, and

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-10394042880374252222006-11-16T09:53:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:54:06.680-04:00

So OJ Simpson, noble chivalric knight that he is, is releasing a book that explains, if he had been guilty, how exactly he would have cut up his ex-girlfriend and her date almost fifteen years ago. How he would have gotten rid of the bloody gloves, what he would have told Kato on the couch, and how Johnnie Cochran would have gotten him acquitted. You know, if he were guilty. Which we all know

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-5722633723699781512006-11-08T09:54:00.000-05:002007-09-10T09:54:56.635-04:00

Britney finally realized K-Fed is a loser!Alas, poor K-Fed, we hardly knew ye. Well, we knew that you sucked, that your new album was possibly the worst thing ever committed to recording since Vanilla Ice told us to send acknowledgments to our mothers, and that you were pulling poor Brit down into the black hole of career doom. But asides from that, you were a mystery. A riddle, wrapped in an

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-79209353960412293742006-10-30T10:33:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:33:47.646-04:00

You know those Breathe-Right nasal strips, the little rigid band-aids you apply to your nose to prevent snoring? Well, apparently that's not enough relief for some people, and so the good folks at Breathe-Right now offer a gargle that "lubricates your throat" to allow air to pass through more easily before bedtime.Lubricated throats?! Oh brave new world, with such possibilities in it!

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-25113367272758975502006-10-30T10:32:00.000-05:002007-09-10T10:33:00.012-04:00

I want to see a crime show where the detective announces they're going to get samples from the suspect, then proceeds to pull chocolate after chocolate from the perp's mouth and match them to the shapes in a plastic mold."Yep, it's a match. Hazelnut."

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-32884611345187743622006-10-26T10:13:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:14:05.569-04:00

(Jenn has discovered Survivor is a clip show this week due to baseball.)Jenn: Nooooo!!!!Me: That's the only way I could watch a whole episode of Survivor. If it was a Flica Flame clip show.Jenn: Maybe they'll show clips of Flica.Me: Yeah, but they'll probably insist on showing the other contestants, too. (Gets up and leaves.)

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-24094071813775182122006-10-24T10:23:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:24:11.212-04:00

Rush Limbaugh has accused Michael J. Fox of "faking" his Parkinson's disease to advance the cause of stem cell research."He is exaggerating the effects of the disease," Limbaugh told listeners today, encouraging them to go online to watch Fox's commercial, which first aired Oct. 21 in St. Louis during a World Series game. "He's moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act."Having been

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-52335950182047639672006-10-21T10:34:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:34:54.794-04:00

I saw yet another ad for those 5th anniversary 9/11 commemorative coins. You know, the ones with the separating pop-up towers, that basically give your non-legal tender collectible the ability to sport an erection?The ad boasts that the silver used in the coin came from vaults beneath the World Trade Center. If you don't act now, the limited supply of leftover plundered silver could run out, and

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-32250913925460190072006-10-19T10:35:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:35:54.104-04:00

Am I the only one who noticed that Dove is using a model with a tattoo for their latest lotion ad? As part of their Campaign for Real Beauty, they're supposedly using women who look more like everyday people made out of flesh and piercings. But is a chick with a simple, elegant Celtic tattoo centered square on her back really representative of the "freak" portion of the market?Where are the women

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-67545069317598916372006-10-12T10:24:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:25:15.250-04:00

Question 7 on the Nevada ballot would legalize small amounts of marijuana for personal use. The proponents of the measure have finally cobbled together enough cash to put on a TV commercial. Unfortunately for them, they didn't bother to sober up before putting it together. Bummer!For starters, being able to hear it would be nice. The volume is recorded so low that you can't even tell what it's

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-62425338961604114382006-09-26T10:36:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:36:59.159-04:00

I find myself more than a little bothered by the space-time continuum paradoxes I keep seeing in the ads for 21st.com. I'm not even sure what it is that 21st.com actually sells/does/claims, since I'm too angered by the lapses in logic I keep finding to notice, and I'm not about to go look it up. Let's just assume they kill kittens, okay?Anyway, let me cite examples for you, gentle readers, so as

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-86983102922734856452006-09-23T10:19:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:20:17.745-04:00

So last night we ventured out to see Mystere, one of about 368,000 Cirque du Soleil shows performing in town right now. The conceit of this one is that French-Canadian acrobats are re-enacting the dreams of a demented baby. Baby is played first by a cooing spotlight in a carriage, and later by a woman into infantilism.As you can imagine, those French-Canadian circus babies have scary, frightening

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-38413949343809887272006-09-06T11:02:00.000-04:002007-11-14T12:36:34.399-05:00

Tom vs. The Volcano(With apologies to T.S. Eliot)- I have seen with my own eyes Mr. Cruise hiding in the closet, and when his agent asked him, "What do you want?" He answered, "Show me the money."I. THE MISSION IMPOSSIBLEXenu is the cruellest overlord, sendingJet planes full of Thetans towards earth, zoomingThrough the emptiness of the vast galaxy, careeningOn a one-way trip to destruction.The 80

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-76414288366977576632006-08-23T10:00:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:01:25.724-04:00

Gentle readers, once more I, as a service for you, will offer all the information you need to know about a film I have absolutely no information about. And this time, that movie is Crank.Crank, far from being the hip retrorevision of the classic "Crankshaft" comic strip, is instead the story of a poisoned man who must continue to keep his adrenaline up or die. It's Speed: The One-Man Show, fresh

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-80303836510623597002006-08-16T10:37:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:37:42.233-04:00

So we're watching Bob the Builder, and I realize that one of the little clay workers Bob hangs with (asides from Token Black Girl, Butch Lesbian, and Anthropomorphic Backhoe) is a scarecrow. Huh. That's freakin' weird.Given that the whole plot of every episode revolves around Bob building something for free, and the scarecrow screwing things up accidentally before everything works out for the

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-89211339209267569342006-08-16T10:01:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:02:20.933-04:00

Our ongoing series of Completely Useless Movie Previews continues, with a look at the much-anticipated Snakes on a Plane. For a change, this preview (like all the others, based on the trailer alone) will be no more or less accurate than anyone else's, because the film was not screened for critics. Eat that, Ebert!So. Snakes on a Plane. I wish I could tell you waht it's about. It's all rather

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-77065639091148959682006-08-13T10:37:00.000-04:002007-09-10T11:05:49.585-04:00

Is the word "jammin'" back? There's a commercial (one of those for the Philly cream cheese where you're not supposed to be creeped out by the fact that the hot chick angels in it are in fact dead- probably from heroin overdoses or something) where one clumsy angel drops her jelly-covered bagel onto another angel's cheese-covered bagel. Like peanut butter combined with chocolate, an unholy

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-71239109155879757572006-08-06T10:02:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:17:33.870-04:00

Once again, it's time for a Completely Useless Movie Preview. This time, I'll give you valuable information and an outside peek at World Trade Center.This is a movie about some sort of disaster. I haven't really read any of the publicity materials, but it seems like maybe it could be about an earthquake, a volcano, an alien invasion, or Godzilla. The real point is, the World Trade Center is in

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-10090500363509164842006-07-24T10:38:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:39:21.527-04:00

So in the past, I've mentioned Melanie, the PBS babysitter character who hosts the network's evening cartoon lineup. Good ol' Mel was an "enchanted babysitter" of some sort, who always overenthused with gusto about whatever obscure British short was on its way, before launching into a terrifying dance about crafts and teaching us bad sign language. She scared me.Melanie has been absent for

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-88647347131799939462006-07-09T10:39:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:40:13.667-04:00

I remember a time when the A&E network was about old movies and Peter Graves narrating the biographies of people from old movies. Now, times have changed. People don't want to see old movies or Peter Graves, they want to watch gay designers suck the life out of homes while operating on an obscenely tight budget.For some reason, we were watching Sell This House, one of about fifty shows to follow

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-43221615928712232202006-07-05T10:03:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:04:15.105-04:00

And now it's time to introduce an exciting new feature here on Improper Pronoun. I'm going to call it, "Completely Useless Movie Previews," and it will involve informing you, gentle readers, about upcoming movies based on my knowing absolutely nothing about them. The value you derive from them will be zilch.You're welcome.Our first preview is Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest, which

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-3862553455707180112006-07-02T10:09:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:10:09.884-04:00

There's nothing on tonight. We're watching COPS. It's a special episode, "Bad Girls #2", a compilation of arrests featuring psychotic and/or stoned women.This got me curious. See, the last time I checked, the Chained Heat series of women-in-prison movies was not available on DVD. This was a gaping hole in the medium, an inexcusable void in our cultural collective. At last, this has been rectified

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-86443258921171206122006-06-25T10:40:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:40:56.982-04:00

Having a toddler means spending actual discussion time debating the point where Dora the Explorer jumped the shark. Was it when Diego appeared? Or whey they finally got the budget to add two more stock animation poses to her repertoire?Personally, I think it was the episode where she bought a motorcycle and leaped over the tank of sharks in the Arnold's parking lot.

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-76075242321537884032006-06-04T10:20:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:21:49.893-04:00

So, yesterday was our fifth anniversary, and we went out to see Zumanity, or as it's also known, Porn: The Musical! Picture naked whip-wielding dominatrixes doing acrobatics hanging from silk sheets thirty feet in the air. Now make them dance, and interrupt every once in a while for cabaret/burlesque segments. That's pretty much the show.Is it just that we're so jaded, or that we know a lot of

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-88110054357182343082006-06-01T10:41:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:41:42.843-04:00

I'm disturbed, deeply, by the new fad of mixing together everything on your menu in a bowl. When Taco Bell first came up with the idea, I cringed. But then I realized that everything they make is the same five ingredients recombined in different ratios. Doing away with the tortilla shell and just tossing everything together in a bowl seemed like a logical, if icky, next step. Besides, stoners

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-10513329625722546472006-05-21T10:10:00.001-04:002007-09-10T10:12:08.697-04:00

So! You want to make your own supernovel turned summer blockbuster, and you want to do it in the style of Dan Brown (which is to say, you want to do it by the numbers)? Fear not, for no shred of originality is required. Now, the basic building blocks of a Dan Brown novel are included in this handy kit, free for you to reassemble in the order of your choosing to create the work that Brown himself

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-50245859478810171752006-05-21T09:12:00.000-04:002007-09-11T09:09:24.209-04:00

So last night we trekked out to Summerlin to catch The DaVinci Code. Why go to the extreme other end of the city? Well, we're apartment hunting now, and despite all its creepiness, Summerlin is home to tons of nice places. (It's also home to the sluttiest nine-year olds in the world, and they were in line in front of us at the theatre, blinged-out and yapping into their Razr phones. *shudder*)So

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-28633693828434499392006-04-30T10:42:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:42:55.966-04:00

Last night, I came up with the concept of the Little Police. They'd be a special team of police midgets with one purpose: to chase down small criminals who squeeze through openings like Tom & Jerry-style mouse holes where the big police can't tread.Come on, you know you wish you'd thought of it first. Especially when Little Police: The Motion Picture is optioned, with Gary Coleman playing the

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-64501023867309422312006-04-19T10:25:00.000-04:002007-09-10T10:26:01.802-04:00

The new White House chief of staff told employees that they had to either "re-engage" or that now was the time to quit. Somehow, this struck me as very much resembling Dalton's speech to the staff at the start of Road House, where he tells them that if anyone wants to quit, now's the time to do it, because it's "my way or the highway." I can see the new guy showing up in overly tight black

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1822765252099729570.post-67626476182888228292006-01-03T11:04:00.000-05:002007-09-10T11:04:41.478-04:00

At some point in the late 90's, "Nacho Cheese" Doritos weren't cutting it anymore. Our cheese-infusing technology had reached the point where we could squeeze more powdered-cheese flavor onto a tortilla chip than ever before, and yet we weren't taking advantage of this culinary windfall. And so, "Nacho Cheesier!" Doritos were born, and everything was good.About ten years on now, do we really need

The Managementnoreply@blogger.com0